There comes a point when you don’t even know what feeling good really means anymore. You’re so used to being loaded with meds when you’re in depression, and drowned in alcohol when you’re on the high of euphoria, that when you’re “normal,” you don’t feel anything. It’s like your body has forgotten how to react without being altered. You feel nothing, no sadness, no happiness, nothing at all. Being in the middle feels like emptiness, like a gap between two extremes that never touch.

It’s a strange feeling, as if you’ve lost access to what you once called emotions. What used to stir you now leaves you indifferent. The adrenaline no longer comes from the high, and relief doesn’t come from calm. You’ve turned into a machine that only functions when overloaded with substances, and when that fuel is taken away, the engine stops. Who are you really when there’s nothing left to drive you?