It’s incredible how hard it is to live with myself. When you’re bipolar, you’re not just one person, you’re three. In moments of stability, you have to deal with what you did during depression and mania. It’s not just about remembering, it’s about carrying the weight of who you were and what you left behind.

During depression, you isolate yourself, ignore messages, avoid people. The simplest things, getting up, showering, eating, become a struggle. Suicidal thoughts don’t hit all at once; they pile up, filling every space. Then mania comes and wrecks everything. Money vanishes in impulsive decisions. You make promises you can’t keep. You say things that aren’t true. You feel invincible, superior. When you return to a stable state, facing what you’ve done feels impossible. Living with these three versions of yourself drives you crazy.