Living INXS

That restless urge to go out creeps in again. The euphoria convinces me that this time will be different, that something exciting might happen. But I already know how this story ends. I’ll waste money on things that don’t matter.…

I’m tired of competing, of proving my worth, of constantly justifying that I deserve a decent job. I’m done measuring my intelligence, showing over and over that I’m capable. I don’t want to do it anymore. I’m also done hiding…

It’s awful waiting for that message when euphoria is running wild. Your phone rings, and you think, “Here we go, time to burn the night and the day.” But no. The screen just shows a reminder: 600 mg of quetiapine,…

Fear is the worst emotion, whether it consumes you or disappears entirely. Bipolar disorder pushes you to those extremes. There are times when fear paralyzes you, keeping you locked away for months, unable to face the world. Then comes the…

I’ve lost jobs, money, and dignity more than once. I’ve lost control. But I’ve always gotten back up. Those of us with bipolar disorder know a unique kind of resilience: falling and rising, again and again. We learn out of…

Waking up knowing you resisted the euphoria brings a quiet relief. You avoided the brain’s lure to chase a flawless night, no drinks, no spending, no regret or haze. It’s disorienting to recognize how last night’s self clashes with this…

Sometimes I wonder if, at 52, it still makes sense to hold myself back. To suppress the urge to give in to madness, vice, and fun. I know I don’t have many years left. My kidneys and heart are damaged…