I’ve lost count of how many medication cocktails I’ve tried. Lithium has always been the foundation, but in the beginning, it was antidepressants combined with benzodiazepines. Now, it’s mood stabilizers and antipsychotics. They say these help make the episodes less intense. Sometimes that’s true, but other times, it doesn’t feel like it at all.

I wish there were a medication that truly worked, something that made bipolar disorder less of a constant battle. But this illness stays with you until the very end, and in the meantime, all you can do is keep trying and hope the next adjustment makes a difference.