I’ve been trapped in a depression for four months that has drained me of every last bit of energy. But little by little, I’m starting to regain control. I can feel my heart beating again, the blood running through my veins. After all this emptiness, I now have enough strength to head out and spend a few days partying. Euphoria, that beloved friend, is approaching. As always, she comes with a craving for alcohol, drugs, parties, and uncontrolled sex.

The scariest part is that if I want to keep my sanity, I have no choice but to bury myself in Lithium and Quetiapine to control these impulses. While my mind seeks intensity, my body and treatment tell me to stop. It’s a constant struggle between what I feel and what I know I must do. Deep down, I know it doesn’t even depend on me. When the time comes, if I can’t handle it, I’ll do what I always do, I’ll surrender.